So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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