You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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