I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
