I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
