bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
