I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
