lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
