Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize