I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
