I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
