I should be sponsored by Trojan
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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