She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize