We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
