i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
