I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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