Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
