You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we should paint friendship bongs
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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