At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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