i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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