Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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