Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
