also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize