i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
