i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
