i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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