My sheets look like a crime scene.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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