Already got asked if we're dating
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
