Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
