There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
