y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
