you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
