operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
