if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
