my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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