She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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