The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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