If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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