I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
