Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
