Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize