beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
soo... how was my night?
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