Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
