Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
