YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
