Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
