This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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