2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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