i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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