I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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