I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
