Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
