There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
