we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
