Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
