3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
kristin has been a bad kristin
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
