So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
