Are we in a gay sports bar?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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