yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize