so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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