remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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