Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The beer is more important than you right now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
