JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
