with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize