did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
