whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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