i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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