My boss' voice literally gives me gas
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
