i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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