"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
