i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
