You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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