wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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