My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
