are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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