fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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