theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
