so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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