she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
