thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
