Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
