its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
