i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
